There’s poo in my butt
Tag Archive for 'family'
There’s poo in my butt
This week’s stats:
1 sick child
4 incidents of projectile vomit per day
3 hours of mopping vomit off the floors per day
6 loads of laundry per day
2 completely exhausted and stressed out parents
Please, for the love of God, Ava, get well, soon.
If anyone’s asking, I had the best vacation ever.
Either someone made a mistake, or standards have been lowered significantly or I am officially somebody.
Today I received an “exclusive” pre-screened invitation for a Visa Black Card from the Barclays Bank of Delaware.
If it wasn’t for the $495 annual fee, I’d be flattered.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I have a 12-month-old baby. Now that she can sit and eat somewhat civilized on her own, we’ve been taking her out to lunch with the grownups more often. It’s great fun, she enjoys people watching tremendously and we enjoy feeding her different things and finding out what she likes and what she doesn’t like.
However, there’s one thing that really, really bugs me about taking her to restaurants.
It seems as though almost all restaurants completely avoid maintaining their high chairs. You know, it shouldn’t be that f***ing hard to replace broken safety straps, but apparently it is. I think we have about a 50/50 chance on getting a defective (and unsafe) high chair for her when we ask for one.
Earlier today we went for lunch to a bbq restaurant in Manhattan. Great place, good food, very nice service. But the high chairs were goddamn death traps. The first one had the usual safety strap problems…the plastic clips were completely shot, so we asked for another one. The replacement wasn’t any better, the safety strap was broken the same way as the first one. Whatever, I’ll just tie it in a tight knot and be done with I thought. And it worked, she was strapped on the seat safely. It would’ve been ok, too, if that was all that was wrong with the high chair.
Towards the end of our meal, she started getting a little restless, like she usually does when she’s had her food and she’s bored with playing with the napkins and utensils. So she started turning about in the high chair. What happened next caught us completely by surprise. The high chair’s left side railing broke under her weight, and she lurched forward about to fall down head first 3 feet onto the ground.
Thankfully the knotted strap held and she was held in her seat.
I took another look at the high chair, and the side railing was completely busted. There was a crack on both ends of it, and the railing itself had come completely off and fallen to the ground. There was no way in hell our baby broke it. It was already broken when the chair was given to us.
This is the last time I will be polite about broken high chairs. From now on, I’ll inspect every single one of them with a goddamn microscope to find out how badly the restaurant has been failing to maintain them. And I’ll be damned if I ever let my daughter sit in a broken one again.
I am getting increasingly pissed when writing this. These fuckers are putting my daughter and every other child sitting on their crappy chairs in danger. With the amount of broken chairs I see, it’s absolutely clear restaurants, by and large, don’t really give a fuck about their smallest and most vulnerable customers’ safety.
Power to the babies, no delay
To make everybody see
In order to fight the powers that be
Listen, Ava, when you grow up, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to embarrass your dad. But for now, it’s my turn.
The excellent t-shirt acquired from Revo Baby – Revolutionary Baby Attire.
We had a bit of excitement tonight.
My wife and I came home around 9:20pm tonight after a dinner date in the city. I try and unlock the door, and find out that it’s locked from the inside. I’m a little puzzled, but I’m thinking maybe my wife’s parents did that, because they had called earlier that they are coming over to drop something off. I unlock the security lock and open the door, but it doesn’t open all the way, because the chain is on.
Now it’s definitely getting weird. Nobody is answering and the lights are on. I take another look through the crack and see that drawers have been opened. Allrighty. Time to call 911.
I call 911 at 9:32pm. The cops show up after 10pm about 10 minutes after we break the chain and get inside the apartment.
We’d been burglarized. All my video game systems are gone, except the XBox 180, which apparently isn’t quite hip enough any more. Both of our laptops are missing, as is my GPS receiver and video player. Thieves scored big, it seems. The place is a complete mess. All the bedroom closets have been turned upside down, the jewelry box is open, and every drawer on our computer desk and TV stand have been opened.
Sir William Gibson, the youngest of our two cats, is scared shitless. He’s hiding under the bed, the sofa and is running away from everyone, including my wife and I. At first we thought he’d jumped out of the bedroom window left wide open by the thieves, but it was a relief to find him shivering under the sofa.
The cops take down our information including a preliminary list of things stolen, and they leave after about 30 minutes. The Evidence Collection Team (fingerprinting) is going to arrive later they say, and we’re not to touch anything while we’re waiting.
The Evidence Collection Team arrives at around 1:30am, and the two officers start collecting fingerprints. They find one fingerprint in a place there shouldn’t really be any prints. They leave soon after 2am, and we start cleaning up the place.
That’s when we find a surprise. It seems that the thieves had left something behind. They had stuffed a laundry bag of ours (yes, ours) with both of our laptops, the GPS receiver, an old camera and a video player, and they had left the bag on our bed under a whole lot of crap they’d gone through. They had left the most valuable, moneywise, things they were stealing behind. Of course the two laptops were also the most valuable to us in other ways. They have a lot of irreplaceable files on them. Family photos, Emails going back several years, personal finances, etc. Who needs backups, right? We are really lucky to have them back. Gotta think about that backup strategy next…
At this point I’m getting kinda curious. I have my laptop on 24/7, and so it would’ve been turned off by the thieves. I know there’s gotta be some information on the laptop to pinpoint the time of day they broke in. I turn on the computer and immediately check the Windows event log information.
The information contained in the logs startles me. Reading the logs I know for a fact the computer was on at 8:41pm, 40 minutes before we came home. There are entries in the system log that seems to suggest that the time the computer was shut down was 9:20pm. Approximately the same time we turned the key in the lock of our door. It looks like the thieves might still have been inside our apartment at the time we arrived home. Good thing I didn’t kick the door in like I thought and instead called the cops. Who knows what might’ve happened.
If you’re linking to my blog at Blogger (madfinn.blogspot.com), please update your link to madfinn.paananen.fi.
I’ve completed the migration of all content from Blogger to WordPress hosted on my family’s new domain. There will be no more content posted to Blogger from January 2007 onward.
Hosting has been arranged for the next 2 years.
DNS settings are still propagating, but it looks like at least the US part of the Intertubes is already well aware of the awesomeness that is paananen.fi.
-TPP aka madfinn (at) paananen.fi